You Knew
by Mazzie May
Summary: Cloud's musings over some suspicious moments with Aeris. Not exactly dripping with angst, but... Oh, and slight Clerisness. But only if you squint. Kplus. R&R please


**Author's Note: Got bit by the Cleris bug. **

**Summary: Cloud's musings over some suspicious moments with Aeris. Angsty musing. Does he do anything without an angsty overtone?**

**Rating: Kplus. Three curse words. Deal with it.**

**

* * *

**

**You Knew**

_By: Mazzie May _

You knew.

That's the only way to explain it.

You knew.

About everything.

You knew about me.

You knew about Zack.

You knew about us.

You knew it all before any one else did.

You knew it all before me.

**From the very beginning.**

When I first saw you on the street, I felt an odd tingling in the back of my head.

Zack recognized you.

"_Excuse me, can you tell me what just happened?"_

You asked it in such a casual way, you must've already known.

"_Would you like a flower?"_

I felt I had to take the flower. It wasn't just Zack, though. I wanted the flower, too.

**At the Church.**

Your eyes were so very knowing, so very green.

"_I don't suppose you remember me?"_

You hadn't meant from earlier on the street.

You meant six years ago.

You weren't asking me.

You were asking Zack.

**Out in the playground, on top of that slide**.

You mentioned your first love.

A pretty heavy topic for casual conversation.

Something inside me burned then, but I didn't know what it was. What a strange feeling.

To be jealous of myself.

But I didn't know that that's what it was.

But you did.

**Outside the Honey Bee Inn**

Before we headed to the Don's.

You had waited outside for me. Surrounded by freaks and perverts.

You claimed to be my girlfriend when I returned.

You were so natural about it.

You acted the way you had with Zack, didn't you?

I turned to you.

"So that's how you fooled them?"

You laughed at me.

"_No, that's how _you_ fooled them"._

Lies. You knew I used lies.

**At the Kalm Inn.**

When I told the story of Sephiroth.

You knew I was lying then, too.

Both you and Tifa.

And yet, as I expanded my sea of lies you both sat quietly, listening.

After I finished my twisted tale, Tifa had looked so sad.

You looked so amused.

Because you knew, too

**In Cosmo Canyon.**

You looked so bored in the observatory.

The Life Stream, the planets voices, how to heal… it was all old news to you.

Because you already knew.

Out by the fire.

You spoke of being alone.

I told you we were with you.

That wasn't what you meant.

You knew that.

And, for once, I knew it too.

**In Costa del Sol.**

After your argument with Hojo.

You were in the hotel.

I sat on the bed to your left.

I was never good at giving comforting words. I needed to be spoken to first. For once, Zack wasn't involved. That was a flaw all my own.

You asked a question I had no answer for.

"_Cloud, what do _you_ think of me?"_

I thought I knew what I thought of you. But really, all I knew was what Zack thought of you.

And you knew that.

What you wanted to know was what _I _thought of you. But even though I knew what Zack thought, and thought those were my own, I still couldn't answer.

"I… don't know".

You nodded to yourself, looking almost pleased.

"_Cloud, what's my favorite colour?"_

I answered without even thinking.

"Green".

You looked at me. With green eyes, filled with endless knowing.

And smiled.

Then you rolled away from me. And I left.

It wasn't until I was outside, staring at the sun did I realize.

You never told me your favorite colour.

**In "Nibelhime". **

Outside of the Shinra Mansion.

You stopped, staring at the ground far off to your right.

I asked you what was wrong.

"_I… have a strange feeling."_

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Of course you do. A town that was burnt down is standing as if nothing happened!"

You shook your head still staring at that one spot on the ground.

"_No, I really feel… No, it's nothing."_

It wasn't until recently, when I was looking at blue prints for all Shinra establishments, did it occur to me the spot you were staring at was the room where Sephiroth was waiting for me.

You knew he was down there.

**At the Gold Saucer.**

Cait Sith handed me its prediction.

'You will find what you seek. But you will lose something dear along the way'

I didn't understand. If I find Sephiroth, what would I be losing?

I challenged its 'fortune'.

You eyed Sith with interest.

You didn't argue.

Because you knew what it meant.

Later that night.

On the Gondola.

You looked so strained, when you said to me.

"_Cloud… I want to meet the REAL you."_

I didn't understand then.

All you could see was me, masquerading as Zack.

"'The real me?' I'm right here."

_"Cloud, I…"_

You were so close to saying it then. Calling me on everything.

"I don't understand."

You sighed then, and looked so very sad.

I thought you might cry.

"_No… I… suppose you wouldn't."_

You knew the truth.

You just wanted me to know, too.

**Deep within the Temple of Ancients.**

Cait Sith spoke of how you and I were soul mates.

I didn't even try to hide the grin, or stop my cheeks from burning.

My feelings for you had overlapped Zack's by then.

Zack had once cared about you.

I'm in love with you.

You were holding on to the fabric of my shirt.

Your forehead resting against my shoulder.

You were smiling.

Such a terribly sad smile.

**Lost somewhere in the Sleeping Forest.**

You were there.

I was there.

"_Only I can defeat Sephiroth."_

I remember thinking 'bullshit', but now I realize none of what happened would've been possible if it wasn't for you. I had thought you just happened to be there. But it was the rest of us that were just happening along.

You knew that.

I wanted to stop you.

Tried to stop you.

But it was you who stopped me.

_"I'll see you again!"_

You were right.

I would see you again.

But, unlike you, I didn't know how.

**Beneath the City of the Ancients**

I heard your voice.

It echoed through the deserted city.

You looked a little uncomfortable, but smiled at me.

I did you see again.

Right before Sephiroth killed you.

**On the Highwind I promised to take you on.**

I'm sitting in the empty conference room. A few minutes before, I confessed the truth of myself to everyone. They forgave me. I think it would've been better to tell them sooner. But I didn't know. You did. I finally understand why you didn't tell me outright. It was something I had to figure out on my own.

I can't imagine the frustration you must've felt over the time you spent with me. You must've been really pissed off every time I said I didn't know a "Zack". You never said anything, but I saw the 'dammit' that spread across your eyes.

We're on our way to take Hojo down, and then Sephiroth.

You knew it would end up this way.

I wish you were here.

I wish I had told you I love you.

But you knew that, too, right?

**

* * *

Author's Note: Alrighty! Because I like to think Aeris didn't just walk blindly into that one. In fact, I'm writing a almost joint fic to this, about Aeris leaving up to the point of her death. Over-rationalization to the max, but hey. Someone's gotta do it. And Cloud strikes me as the type of kid who'd think about this. Moral of the story: give Cloud some paper and crayons, whatever to keep him busy. Leave him alone, and he angsts. Dedicated to TheDonutMistress, who squealed everytime I talked about this fic.  
**

**R&R please.**


End file.
